It’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog! I tend to forget that it exists until someone asks me, “So do you write in your blog anymore?” “Oh yeah!” I usually retort, “I forgot about that thing!” So here I am, NOT forgetting about this thing.
So what have I been doing with my life recently? Well, it just so happens that I’m a nursing student now! I started Nursing school at the beginning of September and have been busy with that since! On top of that, I’ve also been volunteering with St. John’s Ambulance to get my practicum hours, and I’ve been seeking out Christian Communities to fellowship with. I finally feel like I’m adjusting to it all. I still haven’t found a specific Christian Community, but I’m just trying a bunch out before I stick to one.
As for the Nursing side of things, it’s going alright. The classes aren’t terrible, but they’re not exactly thrilling either. I suppose that’s what’s expected from the first year. Part of me, however, still isn’t sure I want to be a nurse.
First off, Nursing was not my #1 choice when I signed up for school. I really wanted to get into Medical Imaging, but my grades wouldn’t allow it, so I signed up for Nursing as an alternative. I found out I was on the wait list around June, and started planning a different future with the belief that I was not going to get into Nursing. By the end of July/beginning of August, I was about settled with the idea that I’d move to Vernon and live with my friend for the year. I was really excited! Then around the 2nd week of August I got a letter in the mail. “You’ve been accepted into the Nursing Program!” it said, “Please respond to this letter within 10 days or your acceptance will be denied.” A wave of emotions hit me. “Do I accept it? Is this what I actually want? Is this what God wants? Why would He open this window of opportunity if I wasn’t supposed to say yes?” After pondering the question for a few days, and wrestling with my emotions, I decided to say yes. It was slightly heartbreaking telling my friend that I wasn’t going to live with her in BC, but she understood. Surely God wouldn’t have opened this door for me if I wasn’t supposed to take it…right?
When I was deciding if I was going to be a nurse, everyone commented, “You’d be such a great nurse, Kelsey.” After the decision was made, the phrase morphed into, “You’re going to be such a great nurse, Kelsey!” Yet I can’t help but self-doubt. Sometimes I feel like I’m more interested in Biology than I am taking care of patients, or I worry that I won’t be able to handle the “dirty jobs” associated with Nursing. At times I wonder if my body will be able to withstand the shift work or I become scared that I won’t have the social skills to deal with patients. And because I’m so afraid I’m not supposed to be a Nurse, I’m afraid that I wasting a lot of money on tuition. I will be honest, I am filled with a lot of fear. Sometimes the fear becomes so overwhelming it makes me cry; and I do not cry easily.
I am unsure if I am suited to be a Nurse. Perhaps God gave me this opportunity so it would be easier for me to transfer to another program. Or maybe once I begin my practicum in the long term care facility next semester, I will start to enjoy Nursing more. Maybe God wants me to be a Nurse so that I can use it on the mission field. It’s not clear what God has planned for me, and I’m not really sure how to respond to my feelings. The only thing I can think to do is talk to God about it. But it occurred to me today that I need to share my thoughts and struggles more often, and ask for help when I need it. Well guys, this is me opening up and saying I need help. I need prayer, more than anything, (but advice wouldn’t hurt either). Please pray that God would reveal what He wants for me, lead me in the right direction, and take away my fear.
Thank you and God bless